Torn

 Torn between two thoughts...
*
1.) Lost a client today...
Sweet old man...
Spoke at least 5 languages,
But all at once...
Fed animals that weren't there...
The world he saw
Was mostly the world in his head...
But he knew me...
Appreciated me...
Even said my name
When I wasn't there...
"You are a good one..."
*
2.) I shouldn't judge
Anything she does
To emotionally survive...
She's no longer my home;
No longer my concern...
I'm learning how to deal
With the emotions
In my own way...
My way is a bit isolationist,
But 
I won't be good for anybody
Until I learn how to be good
To myself...
Still some letting go to do...
*
My habit has been to cling
To certain ideals
And fantasies...
People and thought forms...
My habit has been
To attempt to solve
Impossible puzzles...
Having hope
Can be a crippling disability
If applied incorrectly...
*
Keep expectations moderate...
Life will not give you much
If any
Warning
Of the curves in the road...
There is no posted speed limit...
Maybe someone stole the sign
And it's in their bedroom somewhere...
*
My client
Is free
In a sense
Of speed limits...
He couldn't move that much...
Wheelchair bound...
Hand fed pureed food...
He's with his animals now...
Some days they were dogs...
Some days chickens...
Cats or koi...
*
He is free...
Faster than light...
If there is anything after
He is exploring now...
Or taking his first breath
As a newborn...
Somewhere...
The big metaphor for change...
Inevitable, inescapable...
Death...
Metamorphosis...
*
She had cared for this client, too...
Before me...
She had gotten me the job...
He had heard us fighting
On the phone...
He is a symbol
Of the letting go process...
*
Everything dies, eventually,
Even beautiful things...
Even ugly things...
Passion's fires
Settle into glowing embers...
Pulsing like breath...
Deep, slow breathing...
Fading with each exhale...
Leaving nothing
But charcoal and ash
In the end...
White like my beard...
*
Sleep well, my friend...