The Blasted Tower

 Can't explain it,
Though I've felt this before...
Like the way
A sea slug swims...
Twisting and writhing...
Or like octopus tentacles
In a mass sliding over
Each other,
But going nowhere...
Inside,
In the heart, 
And the head,
And the gut...
It's sometimes paralyzing...
Being pulled
In all directions at once...
What my mind
Does to me...
What I do to me...
A toy
Winding down...
Grinding gears...
Spitting fire...
Or sparks, at least...
The anger and hurt
Giving way
To profound sadness...
Like an act of god,
Helpless in the face of it...
Like two jets
Hitting two buildings
In New York City
Early on a Tuesday morning...
Once one building went down,
Me walking into the news
That morning,
I knew that the other tower
Was going to fall
Minutes before 
It actually happened...
I had actually dreamt it
7 nights before...
One tower goes down,
Then the other one falls...
Number sixteen in the Tarot,
The Blasted Tower...
Destruction, disaster,
Sudden unexpected change...
But 
This change wasn't unexpected...
I saw it coming...
I eventually began
To expect it...
Not enough to plan for it
Financially,
But enough
To emotionally prepare...
Lucifer
Was cast out of heaven,
And fell to the Earth...
Vulcan, the lame god,
Similar fate...
Even gods and demi-gods
Can be wounded...
Even the astral body
Can sustain damage
If the hurt
Is deep enough...
Growth eventually occurs, 
Healing,
But the memory of
The wound
Remains...