Filing Her Petition

 Just dropped off the Petition for Divorce that she had filled out...
$281 money order made out to the
Williamson County District Clerk...
Two stamps,
Just to be sure...
[Ripley : I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.] 
(Passing thought...
Couldn't help it...)
The hazards of 
Stream of consciousness...
Sometimes you have to laugh through the pain...
My emotions are slowly returning...
I've made certain
Adjustments...
Driving to music has 
Finally gotten my eyes moist...
Even a tear or two...
It's been a long time...
Missing what was supposed to be...
Real evidence of emotion...
Mourning...
Dropping it in the mailbox made it real...
I showed up at the courthouse,
But
Covid restrictions...
By mail or online divorce only...
So,
Mailbox was the closure I got...
Mailbox made it real...
Dark blue...
Deep blue...
A giant chess piece
Standing alone in the parking lot...
It's a message from the Queen...
The king is dead...
Long live the king...
[According to Wikipedia:
""The king is dead, long live the king!", or simply "long live the king!" is a traditional proclamation made following the accession of a new monarch in various countries. The seemingly contradictory phrase simultaneously announces the death of the previous monarch and assures the public of continuity by saluting the new monarch.^"]
It's an appropriate phrase...
I got to know her all too well...
Too well to love her any more than tentatively...
There was fear embedded in the love by the end...
I'm not judging whatever she does now
With her heart,
Or her body,
Or her life...
I'm just saying I know her...
Maybe a little too well...
We all do what we have to do to deal with our pain...
And I know exactly what she does to avoid her emotions...
And it hurts to know that...
It still stings
To know how easily I can be replaced
By chemicals and flesh...
Karma, I guess,
From our distant shared past...
[Pre-two year official relationship era...]
(A novel length story that won't fit here...)
I accept that...
The karma...
We're square...
Me?
I'm here, this time, just dealing with the emotions...
Learning to understand them...
Writing them down...
Recording their vitals...
Giving them space...
Documenting progress...
Suffering a little to eventually benefit...
No pain, no gain...
And, fuck! 
This one really, really hurt...
Like holy water on demons...
Nothing like an exorcism to start the day...
The involvement of another human being would only be a distraction...
There are things I have to do...
For me...
For my stability...
My ties to her are gradually softening...
Dissolving...
Fading...
Releasing...
I'm giving it proper time
And proper respect...
Breathe...