Cross-Threading

 Starvation mode for physical intimacy is where I am now...
The body wants it,
Tries to tell me I need it...
But I'm just not motivated to go through
All the bullshit it takes to get there...
Chatting online?
That's bullshit.
I can't bring myself to do it...
Not convincingly...
I just look at a picture of someone
And i see red flags...
Misspellings and poor grammar
Are enough to make me go soft...
I've said it before,
I don't want another wife,
And I don't want a paid escort...
I don't want a flake
Or a basket case...
No NPD or co-dependency
I want a real human being,
Not a walking textbook DSM diagnosis...
This is not to say it's easy to go without...
I'm a very sexual being...
But two hands and some toys are going to have to do
For those needs...
Too far away...
Too far gone...
Too this, too that...
I think I should take a good friend's advice
And take a good year off from even attempting
A relationship...
Maybe not even worry about physical intimacy for a while...
There are more important things...
I can window shop, but leave the cards at home...
Yeah, got to give up on certain thoughts...
Not forever,
But I'm too fucked up
From this last relationship, 
Still,
To be of any use to anybody...
Still have some road to travel...
Some baggage to unload...
Still got to get my head straight...
Screwed on right without any cross-threading...