So,
What do I have to offer?
Well,
Before I get into that,
A little history...
Historically,
I tend to fall for
Women who are drowning...
Metaphorically, of course...
Emotionally, psychologically, financially,
And et cetera...
People who are
Crying out for help, basically...
So, I help...
I listen to their life story
Of woe and of heartbreak...
I feel for their plight...
And, stupidly, I fall in love...
Those are the steps...
These are the kinds of people
That I have really committed to...
And
It
Has
Never
Ended
Well...
Mostly, because they
No longer believed in love...
Hard knock life, and all that...
And I was thinking
I was just the "hero"
To prove them wrong...
Wrong!
Fuck that...
Romantically,
I don't have much left to give...
It didn't start off that way...
17 year old virgin me
Wanted to be the marrying type...
Love interests had to be
"The one"...
It had to be poetic,
And devoted...
All the stars had to align
As if the joining
Were foretold by bronze age mystics...
Soul Mates...
But...
That never worked out...
Mostly because of the things mentioned
Earlier in this missive...
I was unaware of that connection for years...
Decades, actually...
I've broken some hearts,
I can own it,
And
I've gotten my heart broken
To varying degrees
Innumerable times...
Right about now,
I'm pretty numb in that area...
Commitment,
Romantically speaking,
Has become a nasty word...
It needs faith and trust
To be able to function...
And,
Again,
Romantically speaking,
I'm pretty low on faith and trust...
So, what do I have to offer?
All I have left to offer
Is sexual attention,
Good conversation,
Or friendship...
(Or any combination
Of the aforementioned things...)
I'm no longer
Looking for any strings...
I won't be
Swearing myself
To any one person
"Till death do us part"
Any time soon...
I won't be "going steady"...
Besides,
My friendships with women
Have always been stronger
Than my "committed" relationships...
Friends rarely try or want to change me...
Girlfriends and wives?
Every.
Damn.
Time.
So, yeah,
Don't expect romantic, exclusive
Commitment
From this jaded soul...
Doesn't mean I can't have fun, though...
Doesn't mean I have to be
Miserable and celibate, either...
Life is a cornucopia of new experiences
To be added to my future memories
Of the now...
I'm taking that task
Very seriously...
So, what do I have to offer?
Whatever this thing is
That I have become.
(That may have sounded a bit
Morbid or morose,
"ThInG tHaT I hAvE bEcOmE"...
Tone is tricky without visual cues
And facial expressions...
I actually like this thing I am...
For the most part...
So it's cool...)
Regardless,
All I have to offer
Is myself...
Or, rather, my presence...
I'm keeping my heart
For a hot minute...
And I'll give appropriate
Portions of my soul, even,
But only portions...
No one person needs the whole damn thing...
And that's where we're at
In the story so far...
