The Beauty of Decay

 Still having
An occasional hard time
Letting go...
There is still that ache...
Things have gone too far
Down the current path
To go back...
I'm not talking about
Reconciliation...
It just still hurts...
So much misunderstanding...
Like we were speaking
Two different languages...
There's all kinds of things
I could do
To run away 
From these feelings...
Lots of things I could do
To not feel...
But I won't grow past this
By running away...
I won't fully heal
By avoiding the pain...
Another body
Won't fix it...
Drugs and alcohol
Won't fix it...
Disassociating 
Won't fix it...
Looking into its eyes,
Holding its face in my hands...
This must be the
Depression phase
Right before acceptance...
But my heart
Still hasn't 100% let go...
It still feels that
Empty space 
She used to fill...
And she's moved on...
Running
As fast as her legs
Will carry her...
I made it easier
For her to cut ties...
I gave her good reasons
To stay away...
Heartbreak 
Can give you
A mouth full of fish hooks...
Cold steel words...
She would have kept trying
To remain
"Friends"...
I always have trouble
Trying to avoid the thought
That she tries to do that
To ease her conscience...
If we were "friends,"
Would that make her
A better person?
Would that lessen the blow
To her own ego?
No worries about that now...
I think Godzilla
Stepped on that bridge...
Crackling blue fire breath
Incinerating/melting crushed steel remains...
She's taken care of...
Her baser needs are met...
Wish I could say the same
About my own baser needs,
But I'm too busy
Trying to survive,
While getting my brain 
Somewhere near healthy...
Looking for balance...
Another relationship,
At this point,
Would only
Continue the destabilization...
I have to focus on me...
Get through the pandemic...
Do I fight with
Or against
The Resistance?
At this point
In American history
There are so many
Opposing nutcases
Resisting each other,
It's often hard
To pick a flavor...
As above, so below...
What's going on 
Inside people's heads
Is so much worse
Than
What they let out...
All of the ugly...
The beauty of decay...
The end of the road
Only leads to another road...
May she find happiness
Wherever she decides to go...
As tempting as it might be
To wish she felt pain
And loss...
But that's not the way to growth...