Schrodinger's Dad

 Damn,
I just spewed out
Some genuine anger...
Dark, evil stuff
From the depths of my gut being...
To be honest,
It felt good...
It was a mixture of emotions,
But it felt maddeningly good...
I don't take any of it back,
Though I spoke harshly...
I have the right
To express my emotions...
To explore them...
Raw thoughts -
First thought,
Best thought
Kind of mentality...
It makes
For the most visceral
Streams of consciousness...
Close to the bone stuff
That you can 
Feel inside you...
That you can make
An emotional connection with...
An example of
How to be,
Or a cautionary tale
Of how not to be...
Either way,
I got you covered...
So much life experience
It might make you puke
From the vertigo...
Well,
While I'm here,
What do I miss
About the last marriage?
The feeling of family.
I miss having a family.
It's not even her, anymore...
It was feeling like a family
Even if we were fighting...
Having boys to raise
And feed...
To be a good role model for...
Maybe do something good
For someone...
I remember sitting in family court
For my last divorce...
Saw a lot of twenty-somethings
Legally changing their last names
To their step-dads name...
So many cases...
It put me near to tears,
Those men who 
Took on the task
Of raising another man's children
As their own...
And those children 
Feeling that devotion and love
So clearly
That they abandoned
Their birth name,
Also, 
Out of love...
Yeah,
I had hoped for that...
Silly me...
It's what I miss...
To be labelled
As "Dad" on a kids phone...
Simple things...
Now gone...