Namaste

 

I'm not the man she fell in love with...
To be honest, I don't think I ever was...
That's usually how it goes...
All those endearing quirks that pull someone closer,
At first, become, over time, annoyances...
Proof that there's something wrong with me, psychologically...
(According to my critics, anyway...
And I've had a few...)
I've travelled a lot of highway by now...
Been around a lot of blocks...
There's a kind of spell I inadvertently cast over some people...
I'm remarkably easy to fall in love with,
But...
This idealized image that they see in me...
That's not me...
Then, inevitably, 
The spell wears off...
And before they get a chance to know the real me,
They become critical...
Suspicious...
Disassociated...
Hurt...
Angry...
This time almost the same as the other two...
A good reason for me to get to know me...
It would be nice for someone to love me as I am,
A man trying to be better...
Psychologically, emotionally, physically...
Not for what I might one day become...
I don't take well to being trained...
I don't do tricks...
I really, really hate jumping through flaming hoops to avoid a tantrum...
I don't deal well with others' expectations of me...
I get overwhelmed...
Attachments are draining...
I've torn up my roots and relocated many times...
Usually just a matter of survival...
A dash of adrenaline really sharpens the reflexes, though...
Allows for thoughts and plans to get to the point...
It's always a new world...
Revolving like a kaleidoscope, 
One scene in multiplicity merging into a myriad of others...
All that is left of everything is patterns...
Swirling, multicolored, shimmering fractals...
All of your moments of déjà vu and prophesies...
Perceived reality and actual reality...
Everything spinning...
Everything alive...
Everything connected...
So, what's my part?
Seems as good a time as any to have another mid-life crisis...
If only I didn't feel like I had a handle on things...
But I feel like I do...
A little turbulence on re-entry into Earth's atmosphere...
Nothing too terrible...
I still had a handle on the helm...
Didn't lose any thermal tiles...
Consolidated...
Relocated...
Ready to thrive...
And waiting...
Just waiting for the next step...
Plans are happening...
Life goes on...
Necessities are achieved...
But there is still a good deal of waiting, even in the midst of all this activity...
This struggle to survive...
The wanderer...
Wasteland adventurer...
May you live in interesting times...
May there be many puzzles that you successfully solve...
May you find peace amidst the chaos...
May you feel love without conditions,
Or mistrust,
Or pain...
May the lessons you learn serve you well...