Being Human

The body is lonely...
That's just normal human shit...
We're social animals designed for community,
Usually...
Wired to respond
Positively to touch...
Wired to need touch...
But as much as my body
Wants sensual touch,
At the moment,
My intellect wants nothing to do with it...
Too many obstacles...
Too many strings,
And chains...
Too many attachments
To have to make
Or break...
I'm mostly introvert...
Mostly exhausted
By human interaction...
Mostly attract
Damaged individuals
That further damage me...
Like attracts like?
I'd love to be a God,
But I'd also
Love to be a Devil...
Anything
That has power
That is not leveraged
Against fragile human ego...
Whether my fragile human ego,
Or someone else's fragile human ego...
I feel like jelly right now...
Like a jellyfish
Stranded on the beach...
No spine...
No brain...
Just a stomach with streamers
Covered in toxic spines...
Snuggle up next to that...
Feel the warmth offered by the microbes decomposing a cadaver...
I just want to sleep...
I know that's just garden variety depression...
Valid depression that has a real world cause
Rather than simply brain my chemicals 
Being out of whack...
Now,
I have my room,
A bed,
A vehicle,
And the internet...
My closest hometown friends
Are thousands of miles away....
I don't want to isolate,
But I don't know
Who or what
Would change that reality...
Don't know who would want to
Help make that change happen...
Don't even know how
To expedite that process anymore...
I'm not exactly
Cheerful and uplifting company
Lately...
On the verge of tears
For weeks and weeks
But the tears never come...
Stuck in the gears,
Little wrenches,
Each one...
There's a surprising amount of fatigue
From emotional catatonia...
Actual physical fatigue...
Like a wind up toy
Grinding gears
To a slow stop...
Simultaneously wound up too tight
And also completely exhausted
Of potential energy...
Just a kiss on the forehead
Would be nice...
A gentle caress...
A hand
Playing with my hair...
So much to miss...
Being human sucks...