I rose from the dead
Just to be with her…
I didn’t know it at the time…
I didn’t realize
There was a reason
That the inky blackness
Didn’t take me…
A reason that the chaos
That gives rise to order
Did not keep me in
It’s unknowable embrace…
Entropy is one theory of existence...
Another theory:
There is a tendency
Not towards dissolution,
But towards perfection…
She is perfect…
She would disagree,
But she is perfect…
The perfect fit…
When I met her,
Yeah, I was going through
A rough patch…
But I was waking up from a long sleep…
I was reclaiming my freedom…
Reclaiming my sense of manhood
That had been subject to
Years of subtle abuse
By a woman who prided herself
On consuming souls…
A cruel nurse, if you will,
Not quite possessed by Munchausen by proxy
Who tried to make me feel
That my desires were evil,
My passion was simply pornographic,
And that my needs were both
Trivial and disgusting…
I survived this…
When I ran into my future wife,
As beat up as I was,
I felt empowered,
Powerful…
Subtly…
I was in a position to alter the course of the river,
Rather than to just go with the flow of it…
I had just made the decision to stop drifting
In a paper boat
And I learned how to swim…
Dive, jump, breach…
When I met the former wife,
I was weak…
I was running from some problematic
Situations and people…
So distracted was I
That I allowed myself to be carried
On the wind
Like a dandelion seed…
Once I made the decision to leave,
Just a little over a year ago,
I was flying with only slightly
Unsteady wings…
Strong, but unpracticed…
Flying too high was a bit disconcerting, at first…
I saw perfection
Out of the corner of my eye…
I almost missed it
Had it not been for my uncanny ability
To read body language and tone,
eventually…
Sometimes my life is almost subliminal…
I don’t consciously notice the signs,
But my subconscious steers my actions
Towards a goal…
She touched me,
She smiled,
She showed me her belly,
She showed me her soul…
We dreamed each other,
But didn’t realize it
Until we physically met…
My former wife
Only showed me
Her madness and her pain…
Hard cold to soft warm…
Metaphorically and physically…
Like a barbarian chained to the wheel of pain for years
Turning the millstone,
Enslaved,
My strength grew in isolation…
Grew until I was strong enough
To see how bad things had been…
Strong enough to escape
Once my head had cleared…
Once free,
I needed someone as strong as myself
To walk by my side,
If anyone was going to walk by my side…
The future wife is a warrior
Though she doesn’t realize it…
The former
Was weakness embodied in the flesh…
Frigid bitterness…
That cold jelly left over after
All of the tadpoles
Have left their egg mass behind…
The future is truly my future…
The past was resignation to failure…
I don’t live in the past
Like she did,
But I study it,
So as not to repeat mistakes…
Sometimes I don’t learn at all,
But when I do,
I learn fast…
And I keep the lessons close
As reminders
Tacked to the corkboard…
I’m sure there is intrigue
Under every log and stone,
But I now choose to push forward…
Winter has passed…
I have chosen life over soul death…
I have chosen perfection…
I have chosen open communication
And tender honesty…
I look forward to our future together
Whereas with the former
The future was something
Dark, somber, and tiresome…
Static…
I have chosen growth…
I have chosen happiness…
I have chosen to be right here…
No more running…
No more isolation…
No more pain…
I have chosen love
Over wrath…
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