She gets more beautiful
every day that I know her…
Internally and externally…
Physically, emotionally, and intellectually…
I know that no human being
is perfect,
but she is perfect
to me,
for me,
with me…
And I am far from perfect…
There is sometimes
darkness in my soul…
I can be vengeful, spiteful,
insecure, vain, and narcissistic…
I have a history…
She makes me want to be
a better person…
She makes me want to
take the best parts of me
and raise them
to the surface
to prove myself worthy…
But she’s never
required me to prove myself…
She’s never asked me for anything
that I did not want to willingly give…
Never asked me to change
a single thing about
who I am,
as if I am enough,
just the way I am…
I have not often
experienced that…
No pressure…
No expectation…
Just a natural flow of emotion
from her to me
and me to her…
She doesn’t cling to her past,
and I am letting go of my own…
I have to do that, anyways…
It’s the healthy choice, after all…
but, also, I don’t want her
to have to share my attention
with my past history…
A good thirty years of borderline dysfunction
when it comes right down to it…
Even the best of my relationships
had more than a bit of darkness
nestled at the very center…
And the very best of my relationships
were not usually committed relationships…
Friends with benefits
used to be the best I could do…
“Girlfriends” were usually
insecure and argumentative…
They inevitably ended up
being people who wanted to change me
into someone I did not want to be…
Into someone I could not be…
Guilt and guile…
Criticism and co-dependence…
But she doesn’t do any of that…
She just loves me…
Just because I am me…
She’s not ashamed of my eccentricities…
Not trying to sculpt me into
her perfect man…
She makes me feel
like I just am…
She’s like pure magic…
And magic is natural…
It’s always there…
It is as real as pure science…
It’s just something humans have not yet learned
how to measure,
but it exists…
I feel it when I’m with her…
I can feel her even when I am alone…
I can feel her love quite viscerally
even when we are apart…
It doesn’t frighten me
the way love has sometimes scared me
in the past…
I don’t question it
the way I have questioned it
in the past…
And she is so beautiful…
More and more as time passes…
She was quite attractive
the first time I met her,
but she is devastatingly so now…
Now that I’ve gotten to know her…
Now that we’ve begun to share
certain goals…
Now that I have touched her flesh,
and her heart,
and her soul…
I never expected this feeling…
Now I don’t want to be without
this feeling…
They say true magic
is not changing the world,
but, rather, changing how you
perceive the world…
She is not changing me,
but she is changing
how I see myself…
I am changing
how I see myself…
I can see what she sees in me…
I only hope
that she sees in herself
what I see in her…
Despite our flaws,
perfection…
x
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