Grossly Normal

 I'm starting to come to the conclusion,
Through therapy and personal research,
That I'm actually fairly psychologically and emotionally stable...
I've just seen some shit...
Been put through numerous other people's personal Hellscapes...
Maybe sometimes I was kerosene on a fire...
Maybe sometimes I was a multi-purpose fire extinguisher with an A-B-C rating...
Neither seemed to be done at precisely the right time,
Apparently...
Sometimes we receive our karma...
Our just desserts...
Sometimes we are the vehicle of karma for others...
Just a tool...
(Take that every way you like...)
How "real" is free will?
Chemical and electrochemical reactions...
Mathematics...
Ones and zeros...
Do we really pass the Turing Test?
How much of our path is swayed by  the chaos of emotions?
How much is swayed by the intellect,
Or by the gut?
Muscle memory and psychological scars...
Lessons learned, and lessons repeated...
I learn, but sometimes I need reinforcement...
I learn, but it doesn't mean I won't 
Throw myself into a fire
At some future date...
(Don't worry - that's metaphorical...)
It doesn't mean I won't, once again, fly too close to the sun...
I've done that a lot...
Falling back down to the Earth always hurts like Hell...
The impact...
Fuck...
Every damn time...
But I'll get up,
Dust myself off,
And try something different...
Being psychologically "good enough" doesn't mean I always make great decisions...
But it does mean I'm doing okay...
I'm not spiraling out of control...
I've seen all of this shit many times before...
Both personally and anecdotally...
Case study after case study...
I can take on great damage and survive
Where others might lose a bit of their will to live...
It's all too easy to get sucked into chaos...
Or to slouch into the darkness,
Actually shrinking an already fragile sense of self...
Why does the scorpion sting?
Or the viper bite?
"It's in my nature," they respond
When asked  why they betrayed you.
They couldn't help themselves...
It was simply psychology...
Psychological make-up...
Nothing personal...
But I always tend to take things personally 
When I am the receiver of abuse...
Yeah, therapy confronted that one...
Not taking certain things personally
Offers immense clarity...
I still need some practice,
But I'm getting there...
Some thorns I will hold under my skin for a very long time...
There are many...
Sometimes you don't learn what you shouldn't do
Until you do what you shouldn't do...
By now,
There are a myriad of things I shouldn't have done...
So,
I have numerous things that I will not do again...
That toolbox is dizzyingly complete...