Sleepwalking Through the Nightmare

 Progress is slow,
Financially speaking,
But it's happening...
Progress is slow,
Emotionally speaking,
And the soul still aches...
It doesn't know why
Or for whom...
Progress is slow,
Physically speaking,
There is a struggle
Between doing,
And simply choosing
To fall asleep...
Pharmaceuticals
Aren't an option,
They make me feel like
Someone who isn't me...
Would rather feel empty inside,
Than dead inside...
Empty leaves room to be filled...
Fires can be started
With twigs and a few charcoals...
On my own terms,
I can at least
Feel signs of life...
Persistence pays off...
Not giving up,
Even if the work is
Perforated
By moments of slack...
Sometimes those moments
Last longer than others...
Sometimes 
I can even shed
Tears over my regrets...
Not often,
But sometimes...
It's still progress...
I believe
Physical reality,
The one that we see,
Is mostly illusion...
The brain
Trying to make sense
Out of a haze of vibrations
And interference patterns...
Creating stories
From how the ripples
From raindrops
Send rolling waves 
Over other rolling waves...
Circles upon circles...
Two dimensional angelic beings
All overlapping each other
And everything else...
Standing waves
Sometimes looking
Frozen in time
Which is just a wave
Interacting with another wave...
The people behind their facades
Are real,...
Their physicality, 
Not so much as they believe...
It never seems to be
As real as I need it to be,
This life...
Sleepwalking through
The nightmares of others...
Sleepwalking through my own...
My goal
Is to become lucid...
To learn how to control the dreams
As well as the nightmares...
To finally simply know
Peace
While I still live...
x