We're both
Slightly terrified
We might lose each other,
Separately,
In the recesses of our insecurities,
Informed by our past relationships
Whose memories still haunt
Random moments in the now
With their stink…
We were terrified when we first started
At how much we felt
So fast…
Swept away,
We couldn't control the direction…
It took us and shook us
And we reveled in it
Like kids on a carnival ride…
But now
We are becoming real love
Beyond infatuation…
We don't always agree on things…
And we've even had
Stern words to each other
When outside stress
Breaks us down…
One kinda sorta fight
Made us both feel
Tortured…
Walking away
For one night
Felt
Physically bad…
Literal physical pain…
And this is born out by modern medical science,
Heartache is perceived by the brain
As literal pain…
Just being away from her
While I work
Or while she works
Feels
Like I am missing a part of me…
Sometimes
There is a little
Phantom limb syndrome…
I look up
Expecting to see her…
Soon
We will be in the same house,
Sleeping in the same bed,
And this addiction to her
Will get stronger…
The want will not weaken…
My desire for her will remain
As we age
Into the future…
The need to see her face,
Touch her body,
Smell her smell…
It is a part of me…
It feels like it's always been
A part of me…
And we've only known each other
A little more than a year…
Only been intimate with each other
A little less than a year…
But it feels like I have loved her
For years before I actually met her…
When she put a name
On the longing…
Is it a
Perfect fairytale story?
No,
Neither of us were looking for that,
But what we got
Was more than we'd hoped for…
More than
Either of us
Thought we deserved…
Starting over
Is not easy…
We'll be married
Before we can live together…
There have been lots of steps forward
And lots of steps back
Even in the small amount of time
That we have been together…
Triumphs and failures…
Lifetimes lived
In such a short amount of time…
Work being done
To procure a home
Is frustrating and arduous…
But we will not give up…
We know where we want to be
With certainty…
We bend the will of fate
To favor us
With our drive to push forward
Even when the wind
Tries to push us back…
We keep our hearts warm
Even though
We both have pasts
That can cool a heart
From the icy chill
Of emotional trauma
And verbal abuse…
We try not to repeat those mistakes
With each other…
Time will tell…
And we actively wait
For that break in the weather
That let's us both shine
Like twin suns…
x
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