8 minutes until Valentine's day
And I'm close to finishing off
A bottle of tequila
I bought about 8 or 9 months ago...
Apparently,
I couldn't even pay someone
To share it with me...
It got opened
About a week ago...
I don't often drink,
But I've been
Psychologically
Beating myself up
More than usual
The past two years...
I've taken a few shots a night
For the past week...
It was supposed to be for something special...
Maybe, originally,...
Well,
Happy Valentine's Day,
There is no one special,
Not in "that" way,
In my life right now...
No one
That wants to be...
Again,
Not in "that" way...
Untouchable...
Undesirable...
Yeah, I know,
Everyone has their reasons...
Everybody has their own problems...
I've never really "fit in"...
Either a unicorn or a freak...
Too intelligent for my own good...
Too off the beaten path
To be intimate with...
This wasn't always the case...
I used to be pursued
Like a valuable sexual commodity...
Now,
Although I'm still attractive,
Well,
That's all I've got...
And intimacy
Always has a cost...
Emotionally, physically, monetarily, intellectually, etc.,...
Even a one night stand
Has some kind of
Emotional tariff
Placed on the act,
In the very least...
The more I starve,
The less people are available
To give me
That kind of sustenance...
Yeah,
I'm Buzzed
And feeling sorry for myself...
Aside from being buzzed -
Same shit, different day...
Money's tight -
Decreases desirability...
Morose with a negative,
Nihilistic attitude -
Decreases desirability...
Agnostic with a growing animosity
Towards "faith" -
Decreases desirability...
No,
Don't try to lecture me
Or raise my spirits,
Let me indulge in this negativity
Like a poultice on a boil
Pulling all the poison to the surface...
Sometimes
You have to squeeze that zit
Until it pops,
And bleeds,
And the poison
Splatters on the mirror...
It's relieving,
In a manner...
Sometimes,
It's necessary...
Rock bottom
Gives you a firm place to
Put your feet
Before you can push yourself
Back up to the surface...
But it's stormy seas up there,
And the surface may have waves
Whipped up by the perfect storm...
1,000 foot tsunamis
Ready to to roll over
Entire coastal cities...
Breaking news...
The latest headline
Full of self-destruction and chaos
From vapid promises
And nonsensical claims...
Unicorn dreams
And passing promises
That will never come to pass...
I need to go home...
Leave this state...
And I don't just mean my mental state...
I mean Texas...
Drifted down here 22 years ago
Chasing someone's mom's pussy...
Yeah, I said it...
"Helping a friend"
Is the excuse I used for
"Running away from my problems"...
I was
Getting out of Dodge...
And, soon enough,
It will be time to
Get out of Dodge again
And head back East...
Once again,
Time to run away...
I'm tired of this place...
I'm tired of me in this place...
I'm sick to death
Of living in this
Backwards "red" state...
Odysseus
Finally returning to Penelope,
Even though there is no Penelope
To return to...
Now it's 34 minutes
And 5 shots into
February 14th...
Work in the morning...
I already know
I won't even have a hangover...
I've tested those waters
Over the past week...
Tomorrow after work
I'll finish off the three fingers of tequila
Alone and untouched
By anyone but my own hand
And some lube...
If you think that's too graphic,
Then you don't really know me
All that well...
Oh, well...
Time to watch some news clips
About the U.S. and Canada
Shooting down 3 ufo's over
This past weekend...
Than maybe some sleep...
Maybe even dreams...
I've started remembering them again...
Only recently...
Lucid, and vibrant,
And sometimes terrifying
In an entertainingly Hollywood fashion...
If only they didn't all involve my exes,
My failures,
And fairly energetic T-rexes...
Don't ask...
I don't know what the T-rexes
Are doing there either...
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