Sometimes It's Too Late

 Some day,
Long into the future,
You may figure out
What love truly means...
Hopefully,
It won't be too late
For you...
I feel like it is for me...
I'm not a praying
Kind of person, 
But I am on my knees
Begging the universe
To let me know,
Without the crutch
Of organized religion,
That I can at least
Feel it...
Even if from a distance...
After a lifetime
Of numb...
Sometimes, 
Realistically speaking, 
It is, however,
Too late...
Maybe they'll still speak to you
After the decades of hurt
You added to
Someone's already existing
Lifetime of hurt...
Maybe they won't...
Most of us have a full plate 
Of hurt and woe
That we are trying
To heal from...
Don't be the asshole
That adds to the weight
Pulling them down...
She decided to respond to me
After a couple years
Of my searching,
Futilely,
For her "online" presence...
Turns out,
I couldn't do it alone...
Had to ask friends from home to help...
I don't know
What these feelings I'm now feeling
For her
Now,
Of all times,
Really are,...
Every time we got close
In the past,
I would run away
Like a scared little boy...
I ran 2,000 miles away
22 years ago...
And I'm feeling that regret...
I was running from other things, as well,
but she had a special place in that collection of fears...
The ghost of Christmas future
Lay in bed 
Next to the chair
I'm sitting in,
Right here,
Right now...
(He is a real person,
But "lay,"
Rather than "lie"
Still seems appropriate usage,
Right here,
Right now)...
Maybe he has experienced
Running
From someone,
Running from himself,
And punishing himself for it
Like I'm doing right now)...
I'm falling apart at the seams, 
And, since I am flesh and bone,
I can feel
Every
Stitch
As they break...
For more reasons than just this...
I have hurt many people
Over the years,
Stole their hearts
And consumed them...
Like a wolf,
Swallowed them whole,
Bloody and still beating...
Listen to me closely,
Sometimes
It 
Is
Too 
Late...
Life may still go on,
They may still even
Respond to your messages...
But 
Only so much hurt
Can be borne
before the dial tone
Is all you will hear...