Be Not Afraid

 "Be not afraid,"
The angel said to Ezekiel.
"Be not afraid..."
Of this interdimensional being
You can't even begin
To visually process...
I've made excuses
For decades...
Shielded my eyes
From the truth...
Armor plated my heart
To the possibility
Of hurt...
Subsequently,
I have broken my own heart
Many times 
Into many pieces...
Fear
Has ruled my life...
The root of
The anxiety and the depression
Has been/is
Fear...
Rabbit
Screams to Eagle,
"Don't eat me!"
Eagle hears this,
Zeroes in,
And feasts
On Rabbit's flesh...
This is my story...
What you fear
Consumes you...
Eventually,
It finds you,
And it destroys you...
I still think it's best
To speak your mind,
But make sure
It is you speaking,
And not your fears...
I have always over-shared
In conversation...
My fear speaking for me...
Neurotic and anxious,
Wielding it
Like shield...
This openness has,
Over the years,
Made some people
See me as fearless...
Brave for sharing
What to them
Looks like my soul...
But my soul
Is a small thing...
Boneless and unprotected
Like a jellyfish
With no sting...
Invisible as the air
You breathe,
But
Not nearly
As solid...
It hides beneath rocks
And rotting,
Moss covered logs...
It burrows
Deep into the soil,
Hiding from the light
Of the sun...
Cold like the belly
Of a salamander 
Excreting a protective coating
Of slime...
"Be not afraid..."
I have always been afraid...
Terrified
Of both living
And of dying...
Terrified of loving...
I did,
Eventually,
Learn somewhat
How to love...
In a way I could almost understand,
But never how and when
The people who needed it
Wanted it to happen...
Never how and when those
Who wanted it
And needed it
Could understand...
I know it is often fleeting...
People have, indeed,
Fallen out of love with me,
Because of how I am...
Do I not deserve it?
Of course, I deserve to be loved,
As insignificant 
A part of the Universe
As I am...
But it rarely happens how or when
I want it...
Want is different than need...
And need is different than to deserve...
The only reason I can discern
That I deserve it,
Is that every soul
Deserves at least a whisper
Of  love...
Even if an infinite number of souls
Could dance on the sharp tip
Of a needle...
That very last
Molecule
Of steel
That is everything
We can't see...
What we can't see
Is vastly greater
Than what we can...
I'm hiding right now,
Wrapping my hurt
In philosophical, 
Cosmological 
Prose...
I do that a lot...
If I get even close
To feeling an objective truth,
I mask it
With generalities
And superficialities...
Not knowing what you're saying
Can hurt people...
Knowing what you're saying
Can wound people...
Both lies and truths
Can make souls bleed
Just as profusely 
As silence...
"Be not afraid...
I am with you..."
Local reality doesn't really exist...
Phenomena don't exist
Until you observe them...
There has to be an observer,
But that observer
Often believes
That it has physicality...
Physicality
Is just an observation...
Nothing more...
And there I go again...
Constantly spinning...
Like quarks and anti-quarks...
Positive, negative, dark, and strange...
Here I go again,
Breaking things
As children are wont to do...
"Be not afraid,
For we are all one..."
That is the terrifying reality
Of  love.