Emotional Chew Toy

 I can't carry your burden
For you...
I can support you
While you work in earnest 
To heal your old wounds...
Wounds that transcend your
Perception of time and space,
But I will not be forced
To feel your unbridled pain...
You can't just unload it all
Onto me via projection
And then act like that isn't abuse...
Not all abusers
Do what they do
On purpose...
Sometimes it's just
A symptom of their psychology...
But it's still abuse...
Whether they mean it
From one day to the next
Or not...
Being your everything one moment,
And then being everything you hate
The next,
That's not the life I want to lead...
I wanted to be the man you loved
All the time,
Even when we disagreed,
But your love was only part time...
It was highly conditional...
And come Monday,
The divorce you filed
Should be able to be seen by a judge
And finalized...
The 60 day waiting period
From the day of filing
Was yesterday...
A Saturday,
So maybe Monday
That thing you asked for,
So many times,
Will finally be a reality...
I will finally be able
To fully let go...
I don't know if you've let go or not,
But you beat the band
In attempts to move on
After splitting me black
In your imagination...
Do I have opinions?
Yeah,
They're as split as your BPD...
I still miss things about you,
And still miss loving you sometimes,
But I still see you
As a whore sometimes, too...
Weak, selfish, needy, and none too attached to fidelity...
(You likely accused me of cheating so often
Because your thoughts or even actions
Made you feel 
Dirty...
Projection...)
Anyways, 
I am no longer your emotional chew toy...
Haven't been
Since you put me out on the street
Last December...
It was a mixture of heartbreak and relief...
Pain and resolution...
Resignation...
Don't know what it was for you...
I can't say that I care, anymore,
What it was for you...
How it felt...
I still sometimes wish that it hurt like Hell for you,
And that you realized
That it was your choice...
Your decision...
Your doing...
Don't try to blame it on me...
Don't try to blame it on past trauma...
Don't try to blame it
On your psychological diagnosis...
I'm good at analyzing patterns...
Your self-hatred
Is your closest friend;
Your fear of abandonment 
Holds it even closer...
Strangely, yet clinically expectedly,
Your fear of abandonment
Has left you all alone
In relationship after relationship
After relationship...
You tried to tell me
They were all extremely flawed people,
But I think I know now
That wasn't exactly the truth...
In the next week,
Or so (you were never great with deadlines),
We should have our union
Dissolved...
You got what you asked for that night...
Maybe you should have asked
For what you wanted...