Still Life in Cyanobacteria

 Depression,
A slug living
In your gut...
A cavernous emptiness,
Dark and humid and stale,
Where the life
Is no more complex
Than a bacterial mat
On the sea floor...
Nothing moves,
And yet there is constant tension...
Does the depression
Cause the anxiety,
Its visceral expression
Feels
Threatening...
Or does the anxiety
Exacerbate the depression?
One can only feel helpless
For so long
Before the brain chemicals
Begin to somewhat
Deregulate...
Maybe they both exist
On their own
Individual merits...
Who knows?
But they have a synergy...
They dance with expert moves,
An East Side Story
Knife fight...
The intellect
Watches, in disgust,
The time wasted
Being inside the mind
A bit too much...
But
There are many dangers...
Hyperawareness
Via genetic predisposition 
And just the right mix
Of trauma...
It doesn't take much
To traumatize 
The emotionally sensitive 
And emotionally reactive...
They see everything
That could go wrong 
(or right, for that matter)
A thousand times,
The proverbial coward...
Unfavorable outcomes,
Predictably,
Pique the attention
More urgently than the good...
Frozen in the lights...
So many things can go wrong...
And so many things
Have gone wrong...
It can be
Gotten used to,
Frogs lounging comfortably
As their flesh
Begins to cook...
It's not quite catatonia,
But nothing feels like it's moving
Forward in time,
But it's moving forward in time
Too fast...
Faster and faster...
Intermittently trembling earth
Brings concern...
Buzzing in pulses like a 
Cell phone on mute...
There are still things to see
And things to do...
Not just things that have to be done,
But things that are wanted
Just because
Something triggered
Interest and/or desire...
Even soldiering through,
Leaves moments for joy...
Even if brief...
Leave room for anticipation...
As was earlier said,
Living with neurodivergence,
It can be gotten used to...
Don't stop doing the work,
Keep moving as forward as can be managed...
Remember to also manage expectations...
Surf the waves that might otherwise
Roll you down
Beneath the waves...
Blue-green algae slime
Silently the only thing
That can literally be seen...
The ceiling is moving above,
But down here
Just a still life in cyanobacteria...